The Single-Parent Family

A single parent is someone who is unmarried, widowed, or divorced and not remarried. The single-parent household can be headed by a mother, a father, a grandparent, an uncle, or aunt. According to the Pew Research Center, between 25 to 30 percent of children under age 18 in the U.S. live in a single-parent household. The U.S. Census reports that roughly 22 million children live with a single parent. And three times as many women, when compared with men, head these households .

Single parents should be reassured by the fact that a large number of studies find no differences between the children of single mothers and children from other types of households. One study looked into the lives of children from different kinds of households—two-parent biological, adoptive, step-father, step-mother, single-parent—and the type of household did not matter. Children’s grades, and their relationships with their siblings and their friends, were about the same across all households. In a survey of adolescents living in nine types of households, those who lived with parents who had always been single and who were being raised in multi-generational households reported the highest sense of well-being of all those surveyed.

Can children of single parents fare just as well as children of married couples? Created with Sketch.

In studies as well as many reports from children themselves, children are better off raised by a single parent as opposed to living with married parents who engage in constant conflict. Children raised by one divorced parent sometimes have better outcomes than children raised by a parent who is remarried. It is impossible to predict a child's outcome based on this one factor alone.

Are there positives for children raised by a single parent? Created with Sketch.

Yes. Every situation involves trade-offs, and they often go unrecognized at the time. In a common refrain, the grown child of a single, working mom reported that he was glad that his mom was busy all the time. His friends, by contrast, had moms who stayed at home. These parents were hyper-involved in their lives, including their schoolwork and schedules. This overbearing participation produced problems between parent and child.

Can a single parent become too close to their child? Created with Sketch.

Yes, but this is a risk for married parents as well. Some parents rely too heavily on a child for emotional support. These individuals become enmeshed with their child because of their own low self-esteem, loneliness, neediness, insecurity, or other similar reasons. These parents lack boundaries, preferring to be a best friend rather than a parent.

Are children of single parents at risk for substance abuse? Created with Sketch.

The vast majority of the children of single parents flourish at home and in later life. In a national survey of substance abuse among more than 22,000 adolescents from different kinds of households, the rate of substance abuse among the children of single parents was 5.7 percent, and the rate for the children of married parents was 4.5%.

Are children of single parents at risk for other serious problems? Created with Sketch.

Not at all. More often, the children of single parents defy all stereotypes. If problems arise, they likely already existed when a child's parents were married or arise independent of the household configuration. These children were struggling in their nuclear family. Researchers who followed children of married parents for more than a decade, not knowing in advance whether the parents would stay married or divorce, found that among the children whose parents did divorce and who had problems, their difficulties began at a young age.

The Challenges of Single-Parent Families

Children need a safe and reliable household to flourish. Of course, it is much harder for single-parents who live with financial hardship. The Bureau of Labor Statistics data show that nearly 11 million people are considered working poor. The definition of working poor is an individual who spends 27 weeks or more in the workforce, this person is working or looking for work, yet their income is below the poverty level. And according to the U.S. Census, single moms are one of the most disadvantaged groups—with nearly 30 percent living in poverty. Many of these single moms cannot provide for their families as they often have lower-paying jobs.

Will my worries about finances impede my parenting? Created with Sketch.

Being the sole parent of a household may mean you are the boss, free of quarrels over money and finance. That’s great, but according to research, it costs $234,000 to raise a child. This price tag impacts the high risk of financial hardship.

I am returning to work, but I’m worried about my kids. Created with Sketch.

This should not be a source of concern or guilt, even though it often is. Children of mothers who return to work while the children are infants and toddlers, fare the same behaviorally and academically compared with children whose mothers stay home. In one study, kids from single-parent families, whose mothers worked, had better academic scores and fewer behavioral problems than did children whose mothers did not work.

I don’t get to see my kids enough, will that affect my relationship with them? Created with Sketch.

The U.S. Census Bureau reports that at two years after the breakup of their family, nearly 50 percent of children who live with their mother do not see their father regularly. Many fathers are often shortchanged by custody arrangements. However, a father showing interest and being involved with his children is a huge plus for all. One way to help this along: Help your ex. Pick up the children from school, attend their functions, and cheer them on at games--this involvement can make a difference. Helping your ex will help you. By being an involved father, you and your kids will find ways to spend more time together.

How can I raise successful children as a single parent? Created with Sketch.

To raise successful children in any family configuration, stability and security matter. Single parents can help ensure such an environment by developing a supportive network of friends, relatives, and neighbors. People who care. For those with extreme financial hardship, there are resources in your community including assistance for housing, food, and healthcare for children, depending on income and other criteria.

Raising Kids as a Single Parent

To raise thriving children, a single parent must juggle many aspects of life, the household, work demands, finances, among many other concerns. All parents face similar obstacles, but the challenge for a single-parent is greater.

Set house rules with your kids.
Give undivided attention to each child, even a daily 10-minute one-one conversation will help.
Set boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
Be consistent and fair, always.
Kids need schedules and routines (sounds boring, but it works).
Lower your expectations, and do away with any ideas of perfection.
Lose your sense of guilt, victimhood, and martyrdom.
Ignore judgmental people.
You need support through good childcare, friends, family, neighbors.
If possible, get along with your ex. (To do so, you need to get over yourself.)
Apply self-care daily, eat right, exercise, sleep, meditate. (If you do not have time, make the time.)
If you need therapy, a good family therapist will help.

Essential Reads

We are not characters in a play.

This common parenting challenge is surprisingly absent from parenting resources, but effective strategies do exist.

Special needs siblings are looking for representation in media. When we see ourselves reflected in television and movies, we feel less alone in the world.

A controversial New York Times article highlighted the work of Patrick Teahan promoting no-contact cutoffs with family in cases of trauma. But there's more to the story.

The Single-Parent Family

On This Page